"I am surprised I'm not dead."
That's the reflection of Orem resident Jocelyn* after she became addicted to Air Duster, a product used to clean computer keyboards and other electronics.
Others are surprised that she could have been dead as a result of her abuse of the product. In some locations around Utah County, the product and others similar are available for purchase by anyone, in any quantity. Some stores, however require age identification from purchasers.
Now, almost 40 days without using, she wants to tell her story to make others aware of the dangers.
"All I care about is making people realize how horrible a store-bought thing is," she said. "I just want people to know for their children's sake, so people can stop dying SEmD so people can get the help they need."
Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome, as it is known, has been associated with cardiac arrest. It makes the heart beat rapidly and erratically, resulting in a heart attack, according to inhalant.org.
Another way individuals who inhale can die is asphyxiation.
"You breathe it in," Jocelyn said. "The stuff is so chemically inclined to stop the oxygen going to the brain. If you do it enough, all the oxygen stops."
Jocelyn got started through some friends.
"I got introduced to it and I had no idea what it was," she said. "I had never heard of it before. I am very open to anything, so I tried it. That was the beginning of the end."
It can help temporarily ease pain and anxiety.
"It is hard to explain unless you have done it," she said. "It is kind of a narcotic in a way. You get real cloudy, don't know what is going on. You kind of hallucinate. It goes away so fast you want to do it again."
Other effects are longer lasting.
"It just progressed day to day," Jocelyn said. "I lost all motivation to be a regular human being, like getting a job. I would use my car to live in or use in. It progressed to me not talking to those friends anymore. That was a good thing, but I was using instead.
"It came to the point that I would go out about 11 or 12 each day, when I woke up. I would to go Walmart or Macey's and sit in the parking lot and use. I started getting caught. I had to find somewhere else."
After getting caught, she had to appear in several courts, but that didn't stop her. Once she got three tickets in one day, and four in a two-day period.
"On the day I got three tickets, I was actually using," she said. "I woke up and saw people on the phone next to me. I hurried away. Police pulled me over and did a sobriety test. Nothing showed."
Not only is it fast acting in providing a high for the user, it is relatively quick to leave the person's system, which makes it more difficult for law enforcement to document it.
Nevertheless, it happened to her.
"I have been in jail eight days for it," she said. "I have lost my job, my friends. I have lost thousands of dollars for rehab."
Marie, her mom, said it has been hard on the family financially.
"We had to take out a loan," she said. "Jocelyn works just to pay fines for different cities. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. It has been the hardest thing for our family."
She has totaled her car and is no longer able to drive, which also places a burden on her and her family members.
Through several times of treatment and rehabilitation, she has worked on reforming. She told how it has affected her.
"I feel terrible and embarrassed," she said. "No words can describe how horrible I feet for what I have done to my family and the people who are closest to me. I feel that I can do nothing to repay them for how patient they have been, how understanding and supportive they have been. I feel I am eternally in their debt for saving my life."
Marie told how it has affected them.
"Can I swear? It is like hell," she said. "It is the hardest thing we have ever had to go through as a family. There have been lots of tears. You question yourself, thinking you did something wrong. I worry every day.
"I learned through all this, we do one day at a time. We are thankful for today. We wake up tomorrow, but I can't do weeks ahead of time.
"I have had panic attacks before. I can't even breathe. Getting calls from the police officer -- can you pick up your daughter? Or finding her passed out on the floor, or cleaning up her vomit when she has thrown up. I can't imagine anything worse."
She credited her bosses for their understanding, allowing her to take time off from work to pick Jocelyn up or go to court with her, around 25 times.
It has been a struggle, but there has been a positive side.
"Yet it has brought us close together as a family," Marie said.
"In a weird way," Jocelyn added.
The family is supporting Jocelyn in her effort to remain clean. They are also united in striving to have stores remove the products from their shelves, or at least place them where they are not accessible to kids and young adults.
"Many people don't know about it," Jocelyn said. "I want them to know."
It has taken courage -- and more -- for Jocelyn to go to the stores and relate her story.
"It takes a lot of bad experiences, a lot of knowledge, a lot of pain, suffering, a lot of getting to know yourself and coming to rock bottom to actually want to do something about it," she said.
She has presented a letter to some Utah County stores, with mixed results.
In it, she lists some statistics from www.inhalant.org. They include:
• Over 2.6 million children, aged 12 to 17 uses an inhalant, Air Duster, each year to get high.
• "Air Duster" contains a propellant. It's a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator. When you inhale it, it fills up your lungs and keeps the good air with oxygen out. It decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. It kills you.
• One in four students in America has intentionally abused the common household product, Air Duster, to get high by the time they reach eighth grade.
• Inhalants tend to be the drug that is tried first by children.
• "Sniffing" and "huffing" can begin at age 10 or younger.
• Fifty-nine percent of children are aware of friends huffing at age 12.
• Inhalants are the fourth most-abused substance after alcohol, tobacco and marijuana.
• The number of lives claimed by inhalant abuse each year is unknown because these deaths often are attributed to other causes.
Jocelyn said it has been hard to overcome the addition.
"At the beginning, the first couple of days were horrible," she said. "It is like withdrawal. You just want it so bad you want to do anything. You have been taught all these tools, but you just want to throw them out the window and use because it is that powerful.
"Now I realize I can't do it by myself. I have to rely on other people. I have to tell other people what I am feeling or I will go back to where I was a year ago."
In addition to more communication with her family members and others, she has found that helping others helps her.
"I try to keep busy when I am not at work," she said. "I had to do 96 hours of community service instead of going to five days of jail. It is always a good thing, even if you are not ordered to do it. It gets your mind off of what you are struggling with. It puts you in a place where you are thinking about someone else. It is like the Golden Rule."
She has also learned from her experience.
"It has taught me never to judge anybody, never to assume anything," she said. "You never know what somebody has gone through."
Lt. Craig Martinez with the Orem Police Department said the department has had encounters with the issue.
"It is kind of growing in popularity, especially with kids," he said. "They are getting to the age where they are driving, and it is very dangerous."
"It cuts off the flow of oxygen to the brain," he said. "It makes you light headed and weird."
That's not always as far as it goes.
"This is a big deal," he said. "Kids can die from this. I would encourage stores to have their employees be aware that this is a problem. When you have teenage kids come in and they purchase several cans, they should alert the store manager."
He understands first-hand the attraction they feel. He started with a fabric protector.
"When I was a kid, Scotchgard was a big thing," he said. "I did it. I huffed Scotchgard. I thought it was cool. We can't pretend anymore. It is a big problem."
Even if an individual doesn't have a medical problem from huffing, it may become a gateway to harder drugs, such as marijuana, heroin or meth, he said.
Martinez gave some examples of problems.
"I remember cases where we caught people doing it when they were driving," he said. "They were swerving all over the road. We have had accidents. We had cited some people here in Orem several times for abuse of this intoxicating inhalant. Kids don't understand.
"Parents need to research this and talk to their kids about the dangers. There are plenty of stories that are talking about bad things that have happened."
He told about a K9 officer who talked to his kids about the dangers of drugs, but did not mention the inhalant.
"They went to wake their son up and found him in bed dead with the tube in his mouth and a can of Dust Off at his side," he said.
"The parents need to know the dangers of having it in their home," he said. "First of all, it can kill them. Second, it is habit forming."
Pat Bird, the prevention program manager of the Utah County Department of Drug and Alcohol Prevention and Treatment, urged parents to be aware of the warning signs that someone is abusing the substance.
"There could be nose bleeds or behavioral issues such a lack of investment in school, relationship issues, irritability and mood swings," he said.
• Jocelyn's real name has been omitted from the story to protect her identity.
Dusting in the news
Sept. 24, 2013, Illinois
"A 25-year-old man was arrested twice in one weekend for abusing inhalants.
"On Friday morning, police arrested the man after they noticed him huffing computer dusting spray. He was charged with unlawful use of intoxicating compounds and released. Saturday afternoon police found the man laying in the road after he had been huffing. He was charged with use, sale or delivery of intoxicating compounds. It was a violation of his bond requirement so he was placed in jail."
Sept. 11, 2013, Indiana
"A 21-year-old man has been charged with resisting law enforcement, battery and inhaling toxic vapors after shoving his grandmother while he was high on inhalants.
"Police were called to his house after he grabbed his grandmother's arm and shoved her into a wall. They found the man 'sitting on a porch swing,' wrote he was 'high-strung, agitates (and) talking but not making sense.' As officers approached he picked up a can of duster and started huffing from the can. He then fought with the officers."
Sept. 9, 2013, Montana
"Two 20-year-old males were arrested after an inhalant abuse related crash last week. After allegedly inhaling computer duster, the driver lost control of the car and it veered off the road into a parking lot where it struck three cars. The driver was arrested and faces 'misdemeanor driving under the influence and careless driving charges' while his passenger was also arrested on 'suspicion of misdemeanor possession of toxic substances.' "
Sept. 5, 2013, Pennsylvania
"This past July an 18-year-old crashed his car into a natural gas valve, causing the evacuation of 700 residents. Toxicology tests indicated inhalant abuse and he was charged with 'DUI, illegal use of solvents or inhalants, illegal possession of solvents and inhalants, and duties at stop signs.' "
Aug. 15, 2013, Massachusetts
"A 22-year-old Stoughton man was recently found dead off Cranberry Highway in East Wareham, Massachusetts. Officials found multiple cans of compressed-gas duster and cleaning products around the body, indicating the man had been huffing.
"The man appeared to have been left there for two to three days before police arrived."
